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Posts Tagged ‘style’

Bust A Cap

March 3, 2009 Leave a comment

Both the Major League Baseball teams from NYC are catching heat. Steroids? no. The stadiums? no, not this week. It’s patches. Patches? yes.

Let’s get the Mets out of the way first. The myopic and short-sighted, jockocracy, in their 12 year old boy way of using broad strokes, has roundly ridiculed the Mets new ballpark patch. They claim it looks ” just like ” the Domino’s Pizza box logo. Um, sure it is a 4 sided geometric shape, canted at about a 60º angle. But a moron can see the Met patch is the shape of a baseball game ticket, and elegantly simple in both color scheme ( not the Domino colors, for sure ) and graphics. Likely this eludes what passes for ” observant ” by jock sniffers. Maybe they were hoping for a patch in the shape of the new stadium? No, because, the Yankees did do something like that—a patch which appears on the back of their 2009 cap.

A cap, which other than the new Yankee Stadium commemorative, looks like every @#%&*! NYY cap since about 1929. Except for the one thing, the critics are too scared to complain about. ( BTW the Yankee patch also looks just fine. It is in the shape of the famous Yankee RF frieze. Ooooooh, but it’s on the back. Give me a fucking break. ) That thing would be what the official cap shape has devolved into over the last few seasons. The NewEra company manufactures most of MLB’s wear, the game cap style is the model 5950. It has adopted the hip-hop thug look. The one which most resembles a tin pot, once styled by Johnny Appleseed. A certain kind of player enjoys an oversized look & uncurved brim on their dome. Hey, they’re the pros. Lame look, though.

Why aholes with the common sense of a slow 2 year old, can literally reshape what was developed to be functional headwear for athletes who once played in the sun for 3 hours, is foolish. Most of them also wear jewelry and necklaces while playing now. It’s astonishing their accessorizing, would’ve not only gotten baseball players from my era extra wind sprints, after practice, but asskicked by the football players. And the chess club.

Look, if a segment of the population thinks they are sticking it to the man by wearing ballcaps sideways, fine. Their fashion sense, born of too large hand me downs from their big brothers ( except for Tyler Perry—he got his from his sister ), embracing their tight clothing budgets. But what are baseball players, who all make at least 350K USD ( upwards to 25+ million ) rebelling against? possibly bad patches! Manny Ramirez who is still unsigned as of this post, might actually be wearing his pajamas everyday this season, instead of on the field. You used to see baseball socks, now these jags have pants tailored to drape over the back heel of their cleats. It really looks stupid. Also, I guess it’s for guys like Manny who rarely actually do more than stroll. Maybe I was wrong about the mispronunciation of the word athlete. These guys are ath-uh-leets; a hole ( sic ) new breed.

AS for Manny, he’s still not feeling the love of a decent contract offer. He started out by stating just after the 2008 season ended— ” gas is up, and so am I. . ..” Did anyone point out to him, the price of gasoline had dropped? A lot. Or that there was a major economic recession? I’m not worried about Manny’s wallet, his agent is Scott Boras. Everybody in baseball hates him. Yet he still gets most of his players amazing contracts. Boras is concerned about deflation dollars in 2010. Manny has always wanted to skip Spring Training. Stay tuned LA. [ Manny has now signed for 2K9 Dodger $]

The sports commentators need to learn to target the real problems like Bud Selig not Alex Rodriguez. Or the ruination of on field utilitarian clothing for fashion statements ( and illiterate ones at that )! No, they are too chicken shit to bite the hand that feeds them. They may laugh up their sleeves at patches which look like fast food logos to their ill-trained eyes. But slap some free pizzas down and they’ll be there faster than you can say it.

It. . ..

Hackety Hack Do Talk Back. . ..

February 9, 2009 5 comments

These are the Top Ten phrases I personally loathe, most often employed by intellectually challenged writers & talk show hosts. Anyone heard using any of these should be thought less of immediately, strapped to a rocket & sent into deep space. Below each, is my witty comeback. Dorothy Parker just IM-ed from Heaven to say — she ain’t worried.

1. Excuse me?

OK you’re excused. In fact, you’re expelled. Forever.

2. Moving forward

Be my guest, and please do keep moving.

3. Wrap my mind/head around

Hold still, I’ll help, just let me get my Louisville Slugger.

4. of late

Miss Manners’ lawyer called. She’s suing you for speaking like a prig from a Henry James novel.

5. share with you

No thanks. I’m not into sharing. With you.

6. I’ll be honest with you

I’m pleased you admit it. Up until now, I had the feeling you were lying.

7. own it

Really— you looked like more of renter to me.

8. unlimited use

B U L L S H I T

9. here’s the weather for your ( fill in day of week )

I rather have that guy’s weather over there. He looks happy.

10. I got nothin’

Seriously, I got nothin’.  I ran out with number 9.

Just Joshing. . ..

May 21, 2008 1 comment

I’m wondering. Why is there only one Jewish guy on record named Jesus? sure it was Jesu in Latin. And Yeshua in Semitic. Does that mean it’s disguised here in the End Times as Joshua? Why do all the fat white phoney Christians in the world accept the Romanticizing of their Super Saver’s, er um Christian, name? They don’ t care for the Pope & Roman Catholics. Or Italians for that matter, except for pizza & the execrable mac & cheese they scarf down. As a person of Latin heritage, I’m offended. Now imagine all those swell hymns & Christian Rock songs with Josh replacing the word Jesus. The Brits have a great word that rhymes with Josh—tosh. Look it up later.

BTW for all people who think Hispanics exclusively own the rights to the Latin title, Wiki again. Italians are the original Latinos. And we have better moustaches, if you don’t count those schifosa on that funky db island dangling off the boot heel. So what’s the deal? All those vatos glossed Jesus, low riding through life, while no Josh’s get Heavenly discounts toward huaraches & sangria. Just kidding. They can get it wholesale.

Which reminds me, I don’t want to live in a world where Larry King has appeared in more movies than James Dean. Jesus! he has to have video of every macher in Hollywood with donkeys ( and I don’t mean Democrats—well, maybe I do )! He sucked on radio in 1978. He hasn’t improved. Though I once vowed to use Larry’s excuse for never reading a guest’s book: he wanted to come fresh to the material, just like the viewer. Ha ha ha. Priceless. Larry was too busy looking for comps on the crab cakes at Duke Ziebert’s. Or more likely, a new Mrs. King. Thank God he isn’t a Latin of any stripe. He does resemble a Preying Mantis, albeit he obviously doesn’t mate within his species, though we could only hope.

Now a word of avuncular advice to young performer Taylor Swift. Your people should all be jailed for allowing you to be seen in a pic with that reptilian Snoop Dung, much less in the same state. Are you a 3D blonde joke? wearing that hoody on that Country show was lame enough. Did 1988 just get around to the trailer park? She’s got talent to spare, but it’s migrating South faster than the Canadien geese, and leaving behind exactly what they do. Word to the urban styling crew: I had that hoody/puffy vest look in 1968. That, and I could rhyme better too.

Don’t get me wrong playas. You can have all the thuggy ho-pimpettes you like. Just keep your mutant bug orbs & feelers off the golden songbirds. Or I’ll order up some Starship Troopers to fry your insectoid asses. Denise Richards was an advance scout. So, if Larry King gets caught in the laser blast. . . oops.

PS Denise–call me. I’ll make you forget Charlie, Richie and Neve. Literally.