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Pyrrhic Pressure

September 15, 2009 Leave a comment

It’s been a season of win-lose here in Gritropolis. This, so pointedly captured by this weekend—on the court, on stage & sigh, at the movies.

Having a Pyrrhic victory may be fine for some. Not for me. Sure, that fat head no talent Tyler Perry, finally let a woman wear the dress. But his dreck came in number one at the box office. The one solace I have is that all people buying tickets for that movie have been tagged by Homeland Security, as no threat whatsoever to US intelligence.

While Serena Williams blew up at the US Open ( tennis ) for what she felt was an umpire’s wrong call on a foot fault*, Kanye West retained his title as Biggest Loudmouth in Music. Homeboy still believe he can hit that Beyonce groove thang, soon as the girl see he prettier than Jay Z. Or delusional that Taylor Swift has jungle fever & digs stupid guys. Either way, he on crack. One thing I know for certain—Taylor Swift’s videos are better than Tyler Perry’s. Watching hers only get you tagged by the local Fish & Game Commission. And that’s so they can call you for a donation.

If Serena can be fined an amount the equivalent of her tennis shoe allowance for a Grand Slam tournament (just kidding-I know she gets them gratis), why can’t that ahole Kanye get fined by the FCC. Why? for being an ahole in prime time. I bet  Mr. Obama’s backhanded smack of Kanye got more play than anything he might’ve said publicly about Joe Wilson (R-Rep. South Carolina). He probably just got an atta boy from Rush Limbaugh—ha ha ha ad infinitum. Times like these I wish James Brown was still alive to advise some entertainers. Not the sports James Brown. Or the other sports James Brown. Or one of the Steve Smiths. The late great King of Soul. Of course!

There’s more, but I like to stick to the headlines. I do feel compelled to inject a future story—Prince Fielder, the really talented & large (+ packing a few more lbs. than needed ) first baseman of your Milwaukee Brewers, is likely to be trade bait over the Winter. Team very interested resides in Boston. Since they are allowed to make any move & be praised for it by buttboys at ESPN, I can’t fight the power. It is true, they have gone too long without a big fat guy to play first for them, since Mo Vaughn left. And Pig Papi Ortiz admitted his ” protein drinks ” only enable him to do one thing well—hit v. the Yankees.

Speaking of baseball, who won the World Series? The season must have ended while I was on my retreat in Nepal, searching for the home of Deechen Lachman.** I had no joy finding it, though I did run into the Dalai Lama.† When I asked him if he knew her, he said vexedly—” she’s Australian, you moron.” If I’d have known the MLB season wound up early so ESPN could go football 24/7, I’d have asked the Dalai Lama about the WS. Hey! he was all ready pissed off, I had nothing to lose there. 

All I can get from ESPN is football f*gs, enabling gamblers with point spreads & injury reports & sucking up to coach. They are stat diligent to the point of being anal. I’m amazed they don’t do the Pop Warner games. Must be a licensing fee conflict. Or maybe the authorities draw an age line for boys locker rooms those bozo can invade. Why don’t I just Google? have I mentioned the page-load times for me & this old dial up here on the Copper Line yet this post? Oh look! there’s some mail from the Dept. of Homeland Security. . ..

* it was a bad call

** actor Dollhouse Fox-TV series

† I know I know—the DL is in exile in India




There’s November like November – part ll

October 30, 2008 Leave a comment

” We love our god and our guns. . ..” this a direct quote from a political ad, approved by John McCain, running on a local radio station here in the New River Valley of Virginia. A political statement meant to exhort Virginians to vote against Barack Obama, because he apparently doesn’t love their god or their guns. Love means cleaning, oiling & fondling your grandaddy’s 30 aught 6.

They love guns here all right. They love to sell them too. That’s how a mental patient, who slipped through a loophole in the VA TECH student psych screening process, bought two guns here in Virginia. Then took them to school for Show & Kill. Who is their god? Glock? or the twin deities, Smith & Wesson?

Not too far from here, about 10 miles as the Jim Crow flies, there still stands the site of slave cabins. No doubt my own house is built above the unmarked graves of somebody who caught a free cruise to the land of the free. This area rarely has a sunny start to a day.* Often, it’s more a mist, I call it gray-light. Maybe it’s the angry gun god, all smoke and bitter ash for dirty deeds. Or possibly the arsenal also, just down the road apiece. . ..

I have said previously, the President of the United States is a spokes model. He/she(?) walks point for the daily patrol-an important job, yes. But the chief exec leads the team out front. There are those no longer so deep in the shadows, who run things. Those guys have no gods. This, because they think they are them. What they do best is send out people to do things for them, destabilize a Third World country or prop up a druglord in a slag heap ending with -stan. Then they trot the Pres out to meet the press for an atta boy and a tutorial in spin doctoring.

Doing that needs lots of guns and money. No doubt Mr. Obama would prefer to use what’s left of the American economy to keep us strong at home. Roofs over our heads and a chicken in every pot and/or microwave. But that kind of thing upsets the ‘ foreign policy ‘ of the power brokers who work behind the curtains of the Oval Office.

Hollywood has remade a classic flick, The Day the Earth Stood Still. The premise of which is, extraterrestrial is sent to Earth to terminate it. Mainly due to our warlike ways. Naturally this is greeted with loads of firepower, which makes the alien think it’s actually on Mars, named after the god of war. Right after the shameful name of the NFL franchise in our nation’s capitol is changed, I’m petitioning the new administration to switch from Earth to Mars. Or at least the Dirty 3rth. Hey, yo I’m street, dogg!

When a political party’s endgame endorsement has god & guns as the slam dunk argument for its candidate, you know it’s in trouble. If McCain really heard that ad and approved it, it’s troublesome. If a lackey rubber stamped it for him, it’s even more so. I knew we were backwards here, but this is straight out of the Johnny Reb Handbook. The South will rise again? well not before my dinner does.

So, while I continue to live in Bubbadoon,* where it’s always 1808 with football & cell phones—their god approves of some new fangled things! I get out my pork rinds & moonshine, ready to watch the election returns. Who will win—Hatfield or McCoy? er, um I mean Obama or McCain. Actually, I thought Obama was an Irish name- what? you never heard of the Black Irish!

* not to mention 24ºF on October 31—sunny south my @#%&*! ass

Kid Hack

September 14, 2008 Leave a comment

A couple of weeks ago I heard two different radio sports talk hosts intone their rapt admiration of the same guy. Before the venom spewing starts, I have not one thing against the use of a nom de plume. This country was built on the pen name, Ben Franklin alone had at least 3 going at any given moment.

I think Country music as a genre, is the aboriginal minstrelsy of the US of A. There is a time honored tradition of desperate former rock artists stumbling into Tennessee for one more go at the charts. Kenny Rogers did it. More than once. Succeeded too! God bless Nashville ya’ll.

I hated Hootie & the Blowfish. Darius Rucker’s voice is awesomely awful. But if he wants to go Country, hey, it’s a free country. Same with Jon Bon Jovi—he had the good sense to record with Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland. Hit! Subsequent singles on his own stiffed.

But I’m not here to rip those dudes. The guy those jock sniffers were ass kissing, as if they knew anything about music other than stuff played at ballparks by child molesters & dead gay guys, was Kid Rock.

My first objection to that clown is, how self absorbed and limited in creativity do you have to be to gloss yourself Kid Rock? I bet it took him awhile too. His real name is Robert Ritchie, I guess he didn’t want anyone to think he used to be in the Commodores? He does seem to have an endless supply of no creativity. Yet, he must sell records. There are a lot of sub 80 IQ people with enough cash who think he’s bigger than the Beatles, more than say people like me. They are likely people with CSA flags on their trailers. You don’t want to mess with them.

But Kid Rock sucks. He can’t sing, play guitar or write beyond what any inebriated inbred could do. Must have something though, after all, he married Pamela Anderson twice. She’s very selective, based on penis size. Tat sleeves are a bonus. He does look like kind of a big prick to me.

Mr. Ritchie is pretentious for such a low rent intellect too, Rock & Roll Jesus! wtf. He’s as reptilian as Snoop Dogg ( another mega-Zero talent ), without the charm. Thank the gods, one of those mutants isn’t female.The thought of them propagating conjures visions of an Armageddon that would scare Stephen King. Bet they’ve tried it too.

Hey! dude is allowed to have a career. But it shouldn’t include being paid to record. Kid Rock is to Country songwriting as the Middle East is to world peace. Which is, not at all. Sheryl Crow got him that huge Country hit a few years ago—and his voice lacks any color, it was repetitive and could’ve used a rewrite. If I’d pitched it to any decent publishing house in Nashville, they’d have passed. On his own, his writing resembles bumper stickers slapped on the side of a barn. A barn with vinyl siding. There are 20,000 Country songwriters a gillion times better than he is, if you rolled them out of bed at 3 AM to tell them they had to write a song in 15 minutes. Without a guitar. And btw, their dog just died. You’d have to know me to know how much I dislike guys like Kid Rock, for me to have added that last thing. He must have @#%&*! donkey photos.

And jock sniffer radio aholes are to musical taste as well, nothing. Stick to predicting football scores. At least you’ll be right occasionally. Now go crank up Freebird, and dream of dating that college quarterback you have a man crush on. . ..

Imus Be Crazy: Part T

October 17, 2007 Leave a comment

Imus will reportedly return to radio Dec. 3, on WABC-AM NYC. OK. Good. Can’t wait to hear what happens. He & Capitol Hillary will be going at it as soon as that studio light goes on air.

Now: the number one movie at the box office is: WHY DID I GET MARRIED. The number one question is WHY IS IT NUMBER 1? I demand everyone who paid to see it be fired. It’s based on a stage-play by Tyler Perry and features a virtually all black cast. The first fact is always troublesome. The latter is a head scratcher. . .. If a non-African American made that hiring ‘ choice, ‘ they’d be Imus-cized by Sharpton & Jesse. I think that is racism. I also think 99% of stage-plays don’t translate to big screen well. Too er, um stagey.

I’m not foolish enough to suggest producers can’t chose who they work with on a project. I support it as the best possible way to do anything. For example; Ms. Clinton won’t be employing Don Imus to do her PR in 2008. It’s a comfort level thing ya’ll. She should work something out with Mr. Obama though.

The separate but equal syndrome of American Society is pure bullshit. I was once competing for a radio job against 60 people. It was finally down to three candidates. The woman had emergency surgery, the other guy was too fruity, so I got the gig. If any African-American had jogged by that day, they’d have been hired. Mainly because the Nazi loving, Midwest moron who was General Manager hated me. I won’t say why. Though, my possession of an independent mind, didn’t help.

All us Rainbow chillunz can have our ars gratia artis in the USA. Especially if it comes up $$$. There is an overnight sports talk host on the same station Imus once worked BNH ( Before Nappy-headed Hos ). He’s black & for his bumper music he almost always uses music by blacks. It’s the stuff he likes to hear. It’s great material too. Yet, imagine if Imus had only played ‘ white ‘ musicians—which he absolutely did not. Or anybody.

A really good actor, Terrence Howard, who broke through with the movie Hustle & Flow, which was just as much about making it in the music business as pimping hos. When the song It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp, won the Oscar, he was asked if he planned to make a rap record. Howard smiled and essentially said he was an actor and his personal taste was more James Taylor. Not only is he a good actor, he’s brave! For the record: I liked both the song AND the movie. Nothing is ever true to life, if you’re the one living it. But that flick gave the uninitiated a taste. BTW I was never in the life, but I ain’t uninitiated.

Imus be back, soon. Bad Black flick number one. That’s living in America, if I may quote the late James Brown, King of Soul & well known nutcase. This coming week Why Did I Get Married will compete for the top spot with a new Halle Berry melodrama & a vampires in Alaska movie: 30 Days of Night. Hey, WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT!!!

Go Halle—Go Halle……

* Happy Birthday Sharon, wherever you are

What’s Black & White and Red All Over?

July 3, 2007 Leave a comment

Isaiah Washington, deposed actor from Grey’s Anatomy, is not happy. He’s been fired from a hit show. That in itself is a bad break, loss of income & a solid credit on the clip reel. However, that’s the least of his upset because he’s experiencing what Don Imus did; a powerful interest group of people wielding their power in a self righteous hissy. Mr. Washington claims this has happened solely because he is black.

He stands accused of hurling anti-gay epithets during an on set argument with colleague Patrick Dempsey, who was purportedly defending fellow cast member T.R. Knight from Washington’s tirade. Not long after this event took place, Mr. Knight went on record and revealed he lives an alternative lifestyle. While that still takes courage, it’s hardly unique in the show business.

The word in question is the other F-word, which much like the N-word, is acceptable if used by gay people but not by heteros who lose their temper & aren’t calculating every single word they might let slip. Again, I say this: I’ve been called that word and I’m not one. Hmmm which is worse? Next time I swear I will call the Gay mafia—and I mean it.

Nobody likes being on the receiving end of an angry pejorative. But sometimes it’s reactionary & solipsistic to think that’s all the angry person is capable of thinking. My case would be, most times, an angry person is not thinking rationally. It’s an emotional outburst kids, not a political statement. It’s an imbalance moment in a world pretty much un-balanced since Nemo got beached and somehow ( see C. Darwin ) survived, thrived, then grew legs & multiplied.

Mr. Imus wasn’t angry, he was just doing what he did for 40 years & somebody decided this was the right time to put a period to one final nasty one-liner. I just watched an animated movie Happy Feet, in which an old Stevie Wonder song I Wish, was utilized twice on the soundtrack. A phrase from that song ” nappy headed boy, “ was sung and ostensibly heard by millions of people, many of whom are children & I’m guessing also black. Did any of them ask: ‘ hey mom, is that the song Imus sings? ‘ and why is it in a penguin movie? I liked the flick, though Robin Williams voicing 2 characters is 2 too many. But where is the hue & cry? I can’t hear you…….. nor should I expect to either.

OK—maybe Isaiah Washington harbors resentment toward certain types. So what. If he was causing them to not be employed or say, lose their job ( that seems familiar somehow ), then we’ve got a case Clarence Darrow! Sure, if he starts repeating that off cam performance to the detriment of the rest of the cast, then I agree, terminate his contract. I just think it’s a one dimensional judgment against Mr. Washington for possibly asserting himself a bit too belligerently & crudely regarding another actor’s talent. Maybe he did it a lot & that’s why he’s off the show. I admit, I don’t really know, I wasn’t there. If it’s for an ill advised momentary loss of control, it’s bullshit to fire him especially in light of his apologies and studio imposed & supervised sensitivity training.

And while Isaiah has been surgically removed from Grey’s Anatomy, it appears John Donald Imus is now in a bit of a grey area. Due to the complexities of contract & litigation, he may be finding his way back on air. Sources say possibly after Labor Day, when those dedicated followers of fashion say to stop wearing white. These days black & white still make grey more than ever. Not to mention red asses. . ..

Oh yeah Happy 4th! try not to blow any fingers off. . ..

A Very Special Episode of Vox Absurditas: Please Give Now!

June 23, 2007 Leave a comment

There is a huge world of deprivation out there. Long ago I noticed a sad & disturbing segment of the human population. I write this today in hopes that we may be able to reverse a severe problem by applying the great American propensity for charity to it. It is with that in mind I ask you to donate to a worthy cause. A cause often overlooked because the individuals in need are so bereft, so ashamed, they only have one name to seek your hard earned dollars, oops — I mean, help. That’s right ladies & gents, I want money so that we can provide these pretentious assholes with a last name.

Sure, there have always been one name recording artists. Divas like Cher. Genius such as Mozart. Stooges named Moe. But since the start of the 21st Century, the increasing trend of one name spotlite ho-s ( oh yes, I did do say it ) is epidemic. I won’t name them by, er, name. This is because 1)I am not here to pimp them 2) I am too lazy & 3) I will just get all angry again. I admit when I was young I liked a one name artist. I won’t name names there either, though for the brilliant here’s a contemporary clue–they’re suddenly using his songs for commercials after all this time. Good agenting somebody!

But back when, I was a kid & rock was young, I’m older than that now. I want to say snotty things: one name is certainly easier for a fanbase with the cumulative IQ of their median age, to remember. I know that’s unkind to put it all on that, it also facilitates mistaken purchases among those who can’t quite hit that modest number of smarts—cha ching ya’ll.

Maybe much of this is mental on my part. When I was pursuing my own music career, I changed my name. I had an ethnic first and last name & the kind of songs I wanted to write didn’t fit my real name. That’s a whole other story. But one part of my disgruntlement was all the well intentioned ( ? ) people around me suggesting I just use my real first name. Since this is my blog, I can actually repeat verbatim what my response was to their idea. I won’t because I’m a fucking considerate guy and won’t use that kind of language here.

It might also be hypocritical considering I use no name here. My WordPress ID is an old screen handle born of necessity & not wanting to be JoeCool31862. AND because I prefer anonymity due to censure & death threats in previous incarnations. I’d like to skip past that in my twilight years. I’d almost believe the current crop of mononommes were so humble they didn’t need to use their real names, or be inventive enough to come up with a matched set. ( see Elton John or Elvis Costello- or El Kabong—hmmm what the el is that all about? ) But I don’t buy it for a second.

You shouldn’t buy it either ( literally ). They are dancing hard & fast into the spotlight, not in the shadows badmouthing shallow one trick ponies. Well, at least not for money. They are not shy, just shallow. BTW speaking of death threats, I am emphatically NOT including Rap & Hip Hop artists in this rant. Most of their names fit well, sound sharp & convey an attitude. OK not all do it–but they suit the genre. You feel me?

Come on. If your birth certificate says you’re Hugh Shitt, by all means change it to something easier to deal with in life. Like Bill Shitt. But don’t become a singer and gloss yourself HUGH. It just looks like Shitt to me. . ..

I’m Sorry But So Is Brenda Lee*

June 13, 2007 1 comment

I apologize to those of you who enter search data such as arc d’ Triomphe, which is an historical architectural arch in France, and get a diatribe about Paris Hilton! Or foxy boxing and see just one snotty line about that execrable pursuit. Or something about say, the Boston Red Sox and have to read the truth about them.

AND sorry to fans of Marshall Crenshaw, who recorded a version, and Ben Vaughn, who wrote a terrific song with the above *title. US Copyright Law does not permit copyrights for titles. Providing it’s a unique, original creation, which is in no way intended to cause confusion with another more successful work. This will also explain why I am currently working on a new screenplay called Pirates of the Caribbean: Kiera Knightley Showers Nightly for 3 Hours! It’s an independent production, I sold all my comic books & baseballs cards, with only one goal: spending time with Kiera. I am so over Paris. . ..