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Pyrrhic Pressure

September 15, 2009 Leave a comment

It’s been a season of win-lose here in Gritropolis. This, so pointedly captured by this weekend—on the court, on stage & sigh, at the movies.

Having a Pyrrhic victory may be fine for some. Not for me. Sure, that fat head no talent Tyler Perry, finally let a woman wear the dress. But his dreck came in number one at the box office. The one solace I have is that all people buying tickets for that movie have been tagged by Homeland Security, as no threat whatsoever to US intelligence.

While Serena Williams blew up at the US Open ( tennis ) for what she felt was an umpire’s wrong call on a foot fault*, Kanye West retained his title as Biggest Loudmouth in Music. Homeboy still believe he can hit that Beyonce groove thang, soon as the girl see he prettier than Jay Z. Or delusional that Taylor Swift has jungle fever & digs stupid guys. Either way, he on crack. One thing I know for certain—Taylor Swift’s videos are better than Tyler Perry’s. Watching hers only get you tagged by the local Fish & Game Commission. And that’s so they can call you for a donation.

If Serena can be fined an amount the equivalent of her tennis shoe allowance for a Grand Slam tournament (just kidding-I know she gets them gratis), why can’t that ahole Kanye get fined by the FCC. Why? for being an ahole in prime time. I bet  Mr. Obama’s backhanded smack of Kanye got more play than anything he might’ve said publicly about Joe Wilson (R-Rep. South Carolina). He probably just got an atta boy from Rush Limbaugh—ha ha ha ad infinitum. Times like these I wish James Brown was still alive to advise some entertainers. Not the sports James Brown. Or the other sports James Brown. Or one of the Steve Smiths. The late great King of Soul. Of course!

There’s more, but I like to stick to the headlines. I do feel compelled to inject a future story—Prince Fielder, the really talented & large (+ packing a few more lbs. than needed ) first baseman of your Milwaukee Brewers, is likely to be trade bait over the Winter. Team very interested resides in Boston. Since they are allowed to make any move & be praised for it by buttboys at ESPN, I can’t fight the power. It is true, they have gone too long without a big fat guy to play first for them, since Mo Vaughn left. And Pig Papi Ortiz admitted his ” protein drinks ” only enable him to do one thing well—hit v. the Yankees.

Speaking of baseball, who won the World Series? The season must have ended while I was on my retreat in Nepal, searching for the home of Deechen Lachman.** I had no joy finding it, though I did run into the Dalai Lama.† When I asked him if he knew her, he said vexedly—” she’s Australian, you moron.” If I’d have known the MLB season wound up early so ESPN could go football 24/7, I’d have asked the Dalai Lama about the WS. Hey! he was all ready pissed off, I had nothing to lose there. 

All I can get from ESPN is football f*gs, enabling gamblers with point spreads & injury reports & sucking up to coach. They are stat diligent to the point of being anal. I’m amazed they don’t do the Pop Warner games. Must be a licensing fee conflict. Or maybe the authorities draw an age line for boys locker rooms those bozo can invade. Why don’t I just Google? have I mentioned the page-load times for me & this old dial up here on the Copper Line yet this post? Oh look! there’s some mail from the Dept. of Homeland Security. . ..

* it was a bad call

** actor Dollhouse Fox-TV series

† I know I know—the DL is in exile in India




Kid Hack

September 14, 2008 Leave a comment

A couple of weeks ago I heard two different radio sports talk hosts intone their rapt admiration of the same guy. Before the venom spewing starts, I have not one thing against the use of a nom de plume. This country was built on the pen name, Ben Franklin alone had at least 3 going at any given moment.

I think Country music as a genre, is the aboriginal minstrelsy of the US of A. There is a time honored tradition of desperate former rock artists stumbling into Tennessee for one more go at the charts. Kenny Rogers did it. More than once. Succeeded too! God bless Nashville ya’ll.

I hated Hootie & the Blowfish. Darius Rucker’s voice is awesomely awful. But if he wants to go Country, hey, it’s a free country. Same with Jon Bon Jovi—he had the good sense to record with Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland. Hit! Subsequent singles on his own stiffed.

But I’m not here to rip those dudes. The guy those jock sniffers were ass kissing, as if they knew anything about music other than stuff played at ballparks by child molesters & dead gay guys, was Kid Rock.

My first objection to that clown is, how self absorbed and limited in creativity do you have to be to gloss yourself Kid Rock? I bet it took him awhile too. His real name is Robert Ritchie, I guess he didn’t want anyone to think he used to be in the Commodores? He does seem to have an endless supply of no creativity. Yet, he must sell records. There are a lot of sub 80 IQ people with enough cash who think he’s bigger than the Beatles, more than say people like me. They are likely people with CSA flags on their trailers. You don’t want to mess with them.

But Kid Rock sucks. He can’t sing, play guitar or write beyond what any inebriated inbred could do. Must have something though, after all, he married Pamela Anderson twice. She’s very selective, based on penis size. Tat sleeves are a bonus. He does look like kind of a big prick to me.

Mr. Ritchie is pretentious for such a low rent intellect too, Rock & Roll Jesus! wtf. He’s as reptilian as Snoop Dogg ( another mega-Zero talent ), without the charm. Thank the gods, one of those mutants isn’t female.The thought of them propagating conjures visions of an Armageddon that would scare Stephen King. Bet they’ve tried it too.

Hey! dude is allowed to have a career. But it shouldn’t include being paid to record. Kid Rock is to Country songwriting as the Middle East is to world peace. Which is, not at all. Sheryl Crow got him that huge Country hit a few years ago—and his voice lacks any color, it was repetitive and could’ve used a rewrite. If I’d pitched it to any decent publishing house in Nashville, they’d have passed. On his own, his writing resembles bumper stickers slapped on the side of a barn. A barn with vinyl siding. There are 20,000 Country songwriters a gillion times better than he is, if you rolled them out of bed at 3 AM to tell them they had to write a song in 15 minutes. Without a guitar. And btw, their dog just died. You’d have to know me to know how much I dislike guys like Kid Rock, for me to have added that last thing. He must have @#%&*! donkey photos.

And jock sniffer radio aholes are to musical taste as well, nothing. Stick to predicting football scores. At least you’ll be right occasionally. Now go crank up Freebird, and dream of dating that college quarterback you have a man crush on. . ..