It’s been a season of win-lose here in Gritropolis. This, so pointedly captured by this weekend—on the court, on stage & sigh, at the movies.
Having a Pyrrhic victory may be fine for some. Not for me. Sure, that fat head no talent Tyler Perry, finally let a woman wear the dress. But his dreck came in number one at the box office. The one solace I have is that all people buying tickets for that movie have been tagged by Homeland Security, as no threat whatsoever to US intelligence.
While Serena Williams blew up at the US Open ( tennis ) for what she felt was an umpire’s wrong call on a foot fault*, Kanye West retained his title as Biggest Loudmouth in Music. Homeboy still believe he can hit that Beyonce groove thang, soon as the girl see he prettier than Jay Z. Or delusional that Taylor Swift has jungle fever & digs stupid guys. Either way, he on crack. One thing I know for certain—Taylor Swift’s videos are better than Tyler Perry’s. Watching hers only get you tagged by the local Fish & Game Commission. And that’s so they can call you for a donation.
If Serena can be fined an amount the equivalent of her tennis shoe allowance for a Grand Slam tournament (just kidding-I know she gets them gratis), why can’t that ahole Kanye get fined by the FCC. Why? for being an ahole in prime time. I bet Mr. Obama’s backhanded smack of Kanye got more play than anything he might’ve said publicly about Joe Wilson (R-Rep. South Carolina). He probably just got an atta boy from Rush Limbaugh—ha ha ha ad infinitum. Times like these I wish James Brown was still alive to advise some entertainers. Not the sports James Brown. Or the other sports James Brown. Or one of the Steve Smiths. The late great King of Soul. Of course!
There’s more, but I like to stick to the headlines. I do feel compelled to inject a future story—Prince Fielder, the really talented & large (+ packing a few more lbs. than needed ) first baseman of your Milwaukee Brewers, is likely to be trade bait over the Winter. Team very interested resides in Boston. Since they are allowed to make any move & be praised for it by buttboys at ESPN, I can’t fight the power. It is true, they have gone too long without a big fat guy to play first for them, since Mo Vaughn left. And Pig Papi Ortiz admitted his ” protein drinks ” only enable him to do one thing well—hit v. the Yankees.
Speaking of baseball, who won the World Series? The season must have ended while I was on my retreat in Nepal, searching for the home of Deechen Lachman.** I had no joy finding it, though I did run into the Dalai Lama.† When I asked him if he knew her, he said vexedly—” she’s Australian, you moron.” If I’d have known the MLB season wound up early so ESPN could go football 24/7, I’d have asked the Dalai Lama about the WS. Hey! he was all ready pissed off, I had nothing to lose there.
All I can get from ESPN is football f*gs, enabling gamblers with point spreads & injury reports & sucking up to coach. They are stat diligent to the point of being anal. I’m amazed they don’t do the Pop Warner games. Must be a licensing fee conflict. Or maybe the authorities draw an age line for boys locker rooms those bozo can invade. Why don’t I just Google? have I mentioned the page-load times for me & this old dial up here on the Copper Line yet this post? Oh look! there’s some mail from the Dept. of Homeland Security. . ..
* it was a bad call
** actor Dollhouse Fox-TV series
† I know I know—the DL is in exile in India
Little did I know when I woke up today, that a cross dressing no talent hump would save my life. According to him, this clown was once reduced to living in his car or some phoney Hollwood bullshit back story. He kept praying to the Lord, and Taylor ( not Tyler ) apparently. Because one day, while dumpster diving for dinner, there amidst the Mickey D boxes & wrappers, he found a size 26 floral housedress.
The rest is dreck history. The Lord obviously sending the message, if you all ready believe in me and that hasn’t worked out, the next stage is dress like a woman and make movies. Larry King is too stupid to ask why this ahole keeps at least one fine big black woman out of work, it’s their problem, huh. Maybe they’ll find a Sumo diaper, move to Japan and make it there. In a related story, Queen Latifah and Jennifer Hudson are duking it out for the lead in a biopic— Tyler Perry: Drag Yo Ass.
My antipathy towards drag flicks—not drag racing Biff—aside, I do have him to thank. As soon as I am faced with my own eventual homelessness, I will not make my first stop a store to shoplift an air freshener for my car. I will go to Goodwill and get me a dress, sensible shoes, wig hat and a theatrical agent. Hedging my bets, I’ll drop by Sears and pick up a large Frigidaire box. I’ll probably never make a movie in a dress—just a guess.
I held an Oscar once—I don’t know about now—but 20 years ago, those boys were heavy. They should weigh even heavier on the consciences of the schmucks who didn’t vote for Mickey Rourke. In a year where they got almost everything else right, why? Anyone with a brain knows why. I never had a shot out there. But sometimes I’m glad I never did. I bet my old friend with the Oscar voted for Mickey though—that’s because the friend was a guy from Philadelphia. Ben Franklin & the Stallones would’ve given it to Mr. Rourke for sure. They’d know the difference between merely good acting and a huge heart.
AND since this is a bit random, I’d like to state once again ( and no doubt in a future post ) nothing says going backwards like boxing.* Nothing screams it louder than women boxing. Those idiots call boxing the ” sweet science “. Does the inclusion of women make it the sweeter science? Or maybe just butch-er. There’s a good chance most of them have no idea what science is—the last time beating people might’ve been considered scientific was just before the Paleolithic era.
Maybe I didn’t wake up at all and this is 1809. No wonder my fucking ISP is so slow!
* Mickey Rourke was a professional boxer before his acting career & for a period of time, during which he left acting. So, I am open minded. Any guy who names a chihuahua after the Norse god of malevolent mischief, is OK with me.