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Michael the Vick

August 14, 2009 Leave a comment

AS predicted, jocksniffer radio hosts, listener calls, emails, texts, et al are myopically fixed on Michael Vick’s return to the NFL. The Philadelphia Eagles officially announced the signing of Vick, the man who served hard time for crossing state lines to engage in illegal dog fights. The animal abuse, cruelty, torture & execution, were just incidental to going from Virginia to Georgia to do it. Though a case could be made for just going back to Virginia once you made it to Georgia, which I’ve done myself.

At the Eagles press conference Vick, whose criminal acts fit the FBI profile for serial killer, apparently memorized a list of cliches. Learned behavior is something a sociopath is very good at doing. He is being mentored by Tony Dungy, a former NFL coach & born again Bible scholar, who has his own tragic history. The etymology of both their names aside, I have never enjoyed puppet shows after age 5. The debate over whether or not Vick deserves a return to the NFL took up 99% of ESPN program content today ( August 14 ), running the gamut from the inane to the insane. Best of British luck, ya’ll. . ..

AND 99% of those people discussing Vick are not only ill equipped to do so, they can barely articulate the real issue– has he rehabilitated himself ( ty Arlo )? So, as he goes over to sit on the Group W Eagles bench, I’d like to pose a question the great unwashed can all have an opinion on, and even more to the point, it’s at their level of intellect. Here goes—

Do you think the Eagles will cut Vick if he dogs it?

Stay tuned.

Little Dead Rooster

February 8, 2008 Leave a comment

Here we go again. Yet another intellectually challenged, highly paid, professional athlete, makes news for a so called ‘ cultural ‘ pursuit.

Pedro Martinez ( NY Mets ), previously known for carrying a midget around, knocking down a 70 year old man & no surprise, being a pitcher for the Boston Rude Sox, hangs out at cockfights. He and former MLB pitcher Juan Marichal, best known for beating another player ( John Roseboro, LA Dodger catcher ) on the head with a bat, were getting off, watching roosters kill each other. Amazing! nobody sprang to their defense by claiming they ate them later at a festival held in their dubious honor? What do they call Buffalo wings in Dominica? el LOSER!

Words like culture and legal are being used. What a load of crap. A bunch of morons can make anything legal in a third rate country. Calling something which is amoral, legal, is an expedience for the morally challenged, who are no doubt profiting in some way from the law. Isn’t this the same Dominican Republic whose neighbor was once Papa Doc Duvalier? voodoo was legal there. Also torturing people. The same Dominican which was ruled by dictators until the US Marine Corps was sent there. Now they have a propped up democracy, many of the people there are still apparently having cultural pains transitioning from the Stone Age.

This opens the door again for the historically bereft sports hosts & their predominantly unlettered callers, to show off their lack of critical discretion and bumper sticker world view. ” Hey Biff, it’s legal there! ” Or the high tone: ” Who are we to impose our standards on other countries! ” The US is no paradise for animals. The condoned practices of greyhound racing prove it, let alone the subhumans here who sponsor illegal dog & cockfighting. But any intelligent person, no matter what their country of origin is, can see cock fighting is for knuckle draggers. Ignorance is ignorance. If you like watching animals kill each other for any reason, you are not even an intellect equal to those animals. You are a soulless buffoon and no excuse absolves you of your flaw.

The Mets were poised to launch a new season, with great hopes of making their fans & anyone else forget their September Swoon of 2007. Now Mr. Martinez has dumped all over it by showing himself to be a jerk. I’d hoped he’d outgrown it. Whatever law he thinks is on his side, it’s written in mud using a stick, with a lower case L, and is superseded by a much higher one. One he is incapable of perceiving, along with those in a peer group that has the audacity to cloak itself in concepts such as culture & law. A cloak made of chicken feathers; straight from the floor of a chicken coop.

An Early Xmas Present [part 1]

December 14, 2007 1 comment

What a week for the self righteous. And for the type who think showing up late to a party, makes you sophisticated. Not to mention me, a person with more than one dimension, all of which are worn out by the same old shit. Michael Vick gets sentenced. Then MLB does a mea culpa for use of performance enhancing drugs ( PED ) and famous pretentious windbag Oprah Winfrey, throwing her considerable weight ( it yoyos ) behind Barack Obama.

First, Vick. Jock thug gets busted for an illegal ‘ sport.’ Apparently making millions of dollars doing his questionably legal sport, football didn’t meet his needs. Sadly, he has supporters, who say things such as—it’s only dogs-or-dogfights are part of the culture he was raised in-or-he’s a moron, what do you expect! OK, I said the last one. To date, my suggestion to take all his earnings & use them to help animals, seems to be ignored. The Atlanta Falcons, his former team, is more concerned with recovering the monies they’ve paid him. This isn’t just because they’re justifiably disappointed, but so they can remove this huge amount from their payroll and open up room in the salary cap, the proscribed $ limit they can spend for player salaries per season.

Another aspect of the Vick conviction, is what happens after he successfully serves his time, 23 months. Theoretically, since many spend jail time in the gym, Vick will still be young and fit enough to make a football comeback. I can say what I want about his lack of intellect, the guy has mad athletic skills. My opinion is: if he can play again in the NFL, I say let him. Take half of his pay and use it to help animals. Yes, I am dogged with my suggestions, like hmmm a pitbull! Oh yeah, and create a restraining order involving him & dogs. . ..

Bud Selig, former used car salesman and owner of the Milwaukee Brewers baseball team & current commissioner of baseball, finally noticed some players had fatheads. This wasn’t just from a disproportionate sense of self worth. Nope, it was from anabolic steroid abusage, which rhymes with dope. Selig hired former Senator George Mitchell, once on the board of directors for the Boston Red Sox, to head an investigation into the use of PED in professional baseball. Gee, maybe they should start by ridding their sport of conflicts of interest first. Our sitting President, G.W. Bush, was once the owner of a MLB team. He & Congress would like nothing better than to really get in on this ( they did previously in 2005 ). Can you say: Major League Distraction?

The report came out yesterday December 13 and several names of alleged users are provocative. This fuels the jock talk in the media. For me, it’s excellent. It bumps time from the sick radio & TV network obsession with football. It won’t last, but it’s something.The lords of baseball are like dads who finally figure out the reason their kid is burning incense isn’t because the kid has embraced Buddhism. Now daddy is pissed—no kid of mine is gonna be a hophead— kind of thing. Sigh. Yes, some of these drugs are now illegal. Yes, they could cause future health risks to the user: at least one athlete has died from steroid use, Lyle Alzado, a football player. That this fact is a throw away AND that it occurred well over 10 years ago, shows the continued cupidity, if not culpability of sports suits and their ancillaries, sports writers, reporters, fans etc. Did I mention football?

It remains to be seen what these buttoned down boardroom blowhards will do to rid the baseball world of dopers. A world they encourage & enable by demanding performance, which due to expansion has diluted & spread thin the premiere performers & allowed many to linger on at older ages and/or make major league rosters, who once would’ve been career minor leaguers. Some of the use was to speed up the healing from injury, to simply return to performing, as opposed to unfairly enhancing it. But illegal is illegal. Now. Hey, daddy needs to bring home the bacon. But this and the Vick situation raises the dilemma of authority favoring curative versus preventative solutions. See how well the war on the rest of the drugs has gone! Not. I bet the sales numbers on Kentucky whiskey & cigars goes way up. Though not Cuban cigars. Those are still illegal. Unless you have a source.

Root cause(s) need to be addressed. Oh, I don’t advocate letting off a rapist, child molester, mass murderer because they had early childhood trauma. It’s not easy or effective yet, accurately predicting who will grow up to be a Manson or a Mother Theresa. Or even if we could, what to do about it. I sure hope that’s where the real effort must be. Better prisons or smarter lawyers ain’t gonna do it. So, good luck.

Now as for Oprah’s endorsement of Mr. Obama. I bet she wrestled long and hard. Hillary or Barack? Over and over. I’d say maybe two commercial breaks worth. Obvious which way she’d go. Hey! he’s from her home state of Illinois. I so wanted to use a black & white( meaning obvious ) decision. My third choice was slam dunk, but everybody knows white women can’t jump.

I would like to take this opportunity to endorse Mr. Obama too. This does not bode well for him, based on my political track record. As much as I’d like to see a woman in the Ovule, errrr Oval Office*, Mrs. Clinton has way too much baggage on so many levels, including the problem of what to call the first Presidential male partner**, who just also happens to be a former President! The First Man? too anthropological. First Husband? technically accurate on 2 counts. First ex-Pres and guy in US history in this situation? shorten it to Expotus, sounds Greek, a foreshadowing of the theatrics sure to follow. I like that one best. BTW there is no prize for observing how many capital O’s were necessary to create these two paragraphs.

Wasn’t that fun. I need a long Winter’s nap.

* serving as President and not servicing one

** in a legalized heterosexual union they call marriage

Open letter to the State of Virginia re: Michael Vick

August 15, 2007 2 comments

I am no fan of Michael Vick or the mechanism which fosters the careers of those like him. As for the crime he is alleged ( as of this moment ) to be guilty of—I don’t even like dog racing. Cruelty to animals or any living thing, is an abomination.

Sending a person to prison is no doubt merited, depending on the nature of the crime & an individual’s prior record of malfeasance. However, I see no profit in punishing Michael Vick this way. I am not here to indict Virginia Tech, they are one of hundreds of big time college sports programs which recruit young people, who barely know what a college is, because they have incredible athletic skill. Yet, I am sorry to say, VA Tech has dropped the ball here & failed more than one Vick, literally in providing them with a philosophy of life beyond a big pay day.

But what will be gained by imprisoning Mr. Vick? If he is found guilty, either by his own admission or a trial, why not take advantage of this situation. Be creative with the punishment. Why not use every resource possible, and at his own expense, to rehabilitate Michael Vick, in a controlled yet enlightened environment. Educate him as to why what he participated in was wrong, and not just teach him to be sorry for getting caught at it. Use his money to educate others & to give aid & comfort to rescued animals.

So, to the judge & prosecuting attorney, please consider making your case & ruling a landmark. It can only lead to better things for man & animal, the state of Virgina and the quality of life. Sometimes the letter of the law needs a visionary hand to expand it’s message to humanity.

Furshadowing or My Pet Peeve

July 10, 2007 Leave a comment

I just watched the movie SHOOTER. After the set up combat/sniper intro, the story jumps ahead 3 years and we see the chief protagonist in an idyllic mountain home with his big ol’ sweety pooch. . .. Stop right there! Nobody move, nobody gets whacked.

In the course of my lifelong search to find the best free escapism, I read a lot of novels. After a few hundred I saw that one thing most of these writers had in common was using the same distressing plot device. If one of the characters had a pet, you could bet within short order, a horrible fate was coming for Spot, or Puff or even the %#*&! goldfish!

For me the blame lies right at the apocryphal cryonically frozen feet of Walt Disney. The avuncular creator of The Mouse simultaneously raised and lowered the bar 50 years ago with the purported children’s movie Old Yeller. I don’t want to give any spoilers but do the term hydrophobia mean anything to ya? Oh, I’m sure Walt was praised back then for introducing harsh reality into the genre. After all, kids are people too and should have their Pollyanna-like ( this was of course before Disney owned the rights to Pollyanna ) hopes & dreams shattered as quickly as possible, while inducing them to buy tie in products. If MacDonald’s had been a national powerhouse in the 50’s & not just a Chicago burger joint, I’m sure there would’ve been Old Yeller cups & action and inaction memorial figures with your fries.

Harrison Ford had a thriller out in recent memory, FIREWALL. It was not very well thought of & it again brought up the question of whether or not Mr. Ford, now in his 60s, is too old for all this huffin’, puffin’ & blowin’ things uppin’. Well, as far as the storyline went, it was by the numbers. Except for one. Spoiler Alert: The cute family dog lived!!! I bet a kid had something to do with that. Or maybe a girlfriend. Yeah, I like that idea. Though based on the reviews, most critics thought a kid probably wrote the screenplay. Me, dog lives? I gave it 5 stars. . ..

These writers were all children once. As jaded as I am, I doubt they all harbored the deep seated need to kill the dog. Spank the monkey? sure. Fido, no. Nor were they all the kind who pulled the wings off flies & walked them around on a leash before smoking them with a magnifying glass. OK, except for Stephen King. Since he’s mostly recovered from that hit & run accident now, I gotta say that dude is seriously fucked up. Though we do share a secret, don’t we Stevie. . ..

So, what up wit dat? It’s a puzzler. Is it supposed to make the reader instantly hate the evildoers? It works, but mostly I really loathe the author. This is because, they really killed the animal. Didn’t they. . .. AND now I’ve blown their sick little cover, lookout. I’m guessing it’s grannies next. Sweet ones too, only she won’t be back like in Little Red Riding Hood. Unless it’s as a vengeful bloodsucking demon and/or agent.