Being a nice guy & mincing words about this subject has gotten the human race and me nowhere slow. Those assholes in the Middle East have done only one thing in two thousand plus years since they all colluded to whack Yeshua Christos. What else did they do? by their extended family feud, based on who owns the sandbox and my God can kick your God’s ass, they prove on a daily basis, there is no God. Unless God is a sexually repressed, retarded 15 year old geek with an hormonal imbalance and e.d.*
Make no mistake, I am a self-loathing human. Though I outgrew my waiting for the Mothership to take me home phase in 1999. Still like that song though. And I have lots of fleecewear and recurring sinus probs from standing outside in the cold, waving a flashlight in the general direction of the Pleiades.
We, meaning us, should tell the Israelis to move to Mexico. Not only would they give that dump a morality make over, the subsequent inter-marriages—oh come on, when Pancho meets Yentl, would result in some great looking people; mucho muy mitzvahs. AND matzoh are really just stale tortilla. Art Modell could help them move. (This is also my Super Bowl Tribute-speaking of vapid, empty displays of humanity.)
As for Sheikh Yerbuti Martin Lawrence of Arabia, those learning disabled masses need to lose their myopic world view. The USA didn’t invent Caucasian chicks and Mercedes. Americans just believe in making money, anywhere they can. Blame your leaders for liking blonde cooze and hypocritically breaking Mohammed’s ‘ laws ‘ (Mohammed-which translates as Mama’s Boy—no truth to the rumor that fruitfly Tyler Perry is doing a biopic—there’s not enough drag op for him-her-it) every chance they get.
The lack of imagination in the Middle East is astounding. Look, I know it’s serious and no fun. Though somebody enjoys it or they wouldn’t keep doing it. AND just like the New York Yankees, if the USA Franchise goes under, all you haters will be happy for a day or two. Then you’ll realize all you’ve done for two millenia is blow shit up. At least America makes stuff too. Coca Cola doesn’t grow on trees, you need to invent it first.
Here’s an idea. If you Semitic types are more than just semi-sapiens, why not get sporty with it. Every year at Christmas—dig the irony-choose a champion from a dune and a deli. Then have a UFC in the Holy Land. Call it—ummm—The Armageddon Bowl. Think of the ticket sales. The ancillary souvenir and concession shekels! Yowzah ya’ll, big bucks. Getcha falafel right heah! Make some of them foam burnooses and yarmulke. Go shirtless— it won’t be the same as Green Bay in December, but hey-it’s the idiotic thought that counts.
Or how about I call the Mothership—and instead of us wimpy peaceniks leaving, why don’t you go out and fight the universe. Just do us a favor and rip all the labels out of your clothes and leave your ID behind. Tell them you’re God’s Chosen Warriors and see what happens. What? you need some weapons. Sure sure we can get it for you wholesale. Ever hear of the Enfield rifle? no? excellent. . ..
I can dream can’t I. Though if it really could come true, my first choice would be a weekend with Bridget Regan in say, Arruba. I am a misanthrope and visionary, but I have needs. Oddly, the only thing I don’t have wrong with me is e.d. Sigh, we are all in this same boat—the same leaky ship of state. You can either have Captain Ahab at the helm or Jimmy Buffet. And for God’s sake, change the name. Who thought Titanic Too was a good idea? His ass is so FIRED! Wow, is that Kate Winslet naked? again!
OMG! I almost forgot—what’s your Super Bowl prediction? Wanna bet on the coin toss?
* listen to WFAN AM NYC for 5 minutes, you’ll get it
Dateline: Thanksgiving 2K8
So-am I thankful for anything at all? yeah, I guess. Really makes no difference to me who actually is President of these United States. But if I had to choose, we got one right. Mr. Obama, btw, is all ready responsible for one miracle. He made Oprah look human, as she watched him give his acceptance speech to the crowd in Linkin Park. Or whatever park that was in Chicago. It wasn’t Wrigley Field—Cubs didn’t get that World Series, but Illinoisians do get bragging rights for the first new Pres from their state since, amazingly enough, Abe Lincoln. Hmmmm Three weeks later, Oprah is back to her insufferable self. We can only hope President Obama has a few more miracles up his sleeve.
One of my friends from Europe asked how people in the South were taking the election results. I told her I rarely talked to the locals here in Bubbadoon. Even if I did, I wouldn’t talk politics. I got in trouble a long time ago for giving my opinions on things geo-political. And that was in New Jersey! I learned my lesson. Mostly.
Thanksgiving, the holiday, not the concept, is an American celebration. Apparently we need to have a major holiday once a month to keep us happy, if not thankful. The bonhomie of the first Thanksgiving wore off right around the time some of those hardy Euro germs hopped off Pilgrim Myles Standish’s shoe buckles and onto Squanto. That and the drunken fights around the table about who Priscilla Alden was sleeping with & who dropped out of divinity school last semester but never told anyone.
This is however, my favorite time of year. Why? because it’s baseball free agency/trading season! Last year was all about Johan Santana, it went on forever & was a bit one note. But for 2008 we have some intriguing players, sure to warm up the Hot Stove, though not the cockles of your heart. One is CC Sabathia, a very good pitcher, who will command a big paycheck. So far, he’s not taken a bite at what the Yankees have put on the table. If you’ve ever seen CC, that’s no doubt a first.
The real gem though is Manny Ramirez. If any one has read this old blog, he’s a favorite of mine. This past season he strong armed his way out of that dump Boston & got himself traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers. He proceeded to lead them to the playoffs, and though they, like the aforementioned Cubs, (whom LA beat) failed to make the WS, he did create excitement in Hollywood, dubbed Mannywood for that brief shining moment. Sadly, (for Dodger fans, not Manny) he’s a free agent. AND his agent is one Scott Boras, the scourge of every MLB general manager. Boras never met a player he couldn’t over hype & overprice. For example spinning moron Jason Varitek’s bad 2K8 stats as still well above league average for a Cro Magnon! Oddly, he often gets the deal done too! [ done 1.30.09 — awwwwww so sweet yak]
Now he no longer plays for Boston ( yes I hate them ), I have a modicum of detachment as regards ManRam’s baseball talent. He’s a great hitter. Erratic fielder. Mercurial personality, who at times, is a thug. That said, if he wasn’t considered old at 37, by baseball standards, I’d want him in the Bronx. Since he lived there as a kid, he’d fit right in, in more ways than one. But he wants too many Manny years on the deal, along with Manny money. Good luck hombre. [ Manny – still at liberty ]
I do want to mention that a podcast I regularly downloaded is ending it’s run. It took hours to do it too, because my dial up doesn’t allow me to listen to streaming anything, live. Yankee Fan Club Radio will be history as of Dec. 7 and I will miss it. So long Ty, Joe & Tony—first the Stadium gets the wrecking ball, now you. No way I’m thankful for that.
I don’t have turkey on Thanksgiving—too much el Tryptophan, I’m naturally drowsy. I carboload me some huge plates of spaghetti ( pasta? that’s a poof word. ) Probably catch up on some NetFlix, (*no John Wayne titles though, I don’t like things more than 5 years old.) And of course, I’ll be shining those shoe buckles. . ..
n.b. I decided I am thankful for Bridget Regan-she is as committed an actor as I have ever seen take on an esoteric fanboy rôle ( Kahlan Amnell/Legend of the Seeker ). She is intensely excellent!