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Archive for May, 2008

Just Joshing. . ..

May 21, 2008 1 comment

I’m wondering. Why is there only one Jewish guy on record named Jesus? sure it was Jesu in Latin. And Yeshua in Semitic. Does that mean it’s disguised here in the End Times as Joshua? Why do all the fat white phoney Christians in the world accept the Romanticizing of their Super Saver’s, er um Christian, name? They don’ t care for the Pope & Roman Catholics. Or Italians for that matter, except for pizza & the execrable mac & cheese they scarf down. As a person of Latin heritage, I’m offended. Now imagine all those swell hymns & Christian Rock songs with Josh replacing the word Jesus. The Brits have a great word that rhymes with Josh—tosh. Look it up later.

BTW for all people who think Hispanics exclusively own the rights to the Latin title, Wiki again. Italians are the original Latinos. And we have better moustaches, if you don’t count those schifosa on that funky db island dangling off the boot heel. So what’s the deal? All those vatos glossed Jesus, low riding through life, while no Josh’s get Heavenly discounts toward huaraches & sangria. Just kidding. They can get it wholesale.

Which reminds me, I don’t want to live in a world where Larry King has appeared in more movies than James Dean. Jesus! he has to have video of every macher in Hollywood with donkeys ( and I don’t mean Democrats—well, maybe I do )! He sucked on radio in 1978. He hasn’t improved. Though I once vowed to use Larry’s excuse for never reading a guest’s book: he wanted to come fresh to the material, just like the viewer. Ha ha ha. Priceless. Larry was too busy looking for comps on the crab cakes at Duke Ziebert’s. Or more likely, a new Mrs. King. Thank God he isn’t a Latin of any stripe. He does resemble a Preying Mantis, albeit he obviously doesn’t mate within his species, though we could only hope.

Now a word of avuncular advice to young performer Taylor Swift. Your people should all be jailed for allowing you to be seen in a pic with that reptilian Snoop Dung, much less in the same state. Are you a 3D blonde joke? wearing that hoody on that Country show was lame enough. Did 1988 just get around to the trailer park? She’s got talent to spare, but it’s migrating South faster than the Canadien geese, and leaving behind exactly what they do. Word to the urban styling crew: I had that hoody/puffy vest look in 1968. That, and I could rhyme better too.

Don’t get me wrong playas. You can have all the thuggy ho-pimpettes you like. Just keep your mutant bug orbs & feelers off the golden songbirds. Or I’ll order up some Starship Troopers to fry your insectoid asses. Denise Richards was an advance scout. So, if Larry King gets caught in the laser blast. . . oops.

PS Denise–call me. I’ll make you forget Charlie, Richie and Neve. Literally.

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What kind of twee would they be?

Barbara Walters has confessed to having an affair with a US Senator. Hold on, I need to drink some Red Bull.

Ahhh, that’s better. I almost yawned myself to death writing about Barbara Walters. She is so far past the expiration date, the FDA should issue an alert. Walters suggests had it been known, this illicit liaison could’ve ruined her career. My suggestion would be, does anybody have a time machine? I’d gladly give up going back in time to pay more personal attention to a young Anna Quindlen in HS, just to make sure Barbara never had a career. Oddly, it might serve to further my own journalistic pursuits. Hmmmmm

Meanwhile, lots of stuff has happened during my hiatus. Most of it is the s.o.s., so don’t worry, in 6-9 months it will all circle around. Again. My favorite though, me being a dude who blogs globally but bitches locally, was the gun dealer who spoke at Virginia Tech.

In case you missed it, yes, he’s the !@#&*%er, who sold 2 weapons to that piece of shit psycho. Of course his main argument was how could he know. After all, this is the USA and everyone has a right to make a living (?) and to bear arms. Somebody has to sell guns to wackos, so, why shouldn’t it be him. However, for the sake of Karmically balancing that idiot, the universe immediately killed off Charlton Heston.

OK. He’s correct. It’s not his fault that monster slipped through the PC psych vetting for students. Or that the Commonwealth of Virginia permits weapons to be sold. Virginia is more concerned with busting people who don’t wear seat belts & taxing citizens who buy frivolous luxury items, for example, like FOOD! Just a guess, more people drive cars to buy food than guns in the course of any given day.

I chose not to read much about this campus visit. Does me no good to get even more irate. I would like to know why the police can’t sell the guns. Wouldn’t they be better able to investigate and evaluate a customer? might even catch a few of them without their seat belts buckled too.

Heads up to any potential gun buyers, if you’re bringing donuts to grease the wheels with the cops, VA doubles the tax on any donuts you buy, if they are packaged by the store ( prepared food tax lol ). Get you enraged? have you ever considered visiting a TV show live? You know what would be a good one? The View. Just a thought.

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Happy Birthday to Captain America in Norfolk VA — do you ever miss your Shields?