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Archive for October, 2007

A Rot + the BoZton Red Zox

October 29, 2007 Leave a comment

Sure, the headline is about Alex Rodriguez. But first things first. Congratulations to the Retard Sox! Maybe now the rest of the 2004 team can leave town. . ..

Alex & his agent Scott Borat, I mean Bora$, have notified the New York Yankees, Mr. Rodriguez wishes to explore free agency. Rodriguez hung up MVP/superstar numbers this past season. That would be the regular season, where he typically does so. Not during the playoffs, though, that’s when he typically gets hung up.

The guy has superior baseball skills. He’s a bit sensitive; I can relate so I won’t knock him for that, except to say, when he’s not thinking, he’s a great athlete. His impetus for seeking a new team is purportedly a need to play the next 10 years all in the same place. From A Rod’s POV the NYY weren’t offering him that kind of longevity; also and more likely, the kind of long green which would make him feel truly loved.

This being the age of disingenuity & duplicity, Alex Rodriguez might yet be a Yankee when the 2008 season starts. New team spokesman, Hank Steinbrenner’s comments aside, the talk money talks, will always rule. While more parochial sports pundits might claim any fan not wanting A Rod on the home team is a moron, I think that opinion is, well, parochial.

Of my 3 readers, only one is a baseball fan. So, details of why I know Rodriguez is an asset in a MLB lineup is moot. The opposite is a bit more fun to blog. The main point however is, at 30 million $ per season, A Rod money can be better spent by an aging team, which, despite some good young pitching, is what the current Yankees are. Also, the sports cliche—they lost with him, they can lose without him— springs to mind. Or more apt, falls.*

Headlines follow Alex around. Stripper PR companions. A wife in a F–k You top. Shirtless in Central Park. A forthcoming appearance in a new Jose Canseco MLB confessional. Choking ( again ) in a playoff game. You get the picture. If not, for sure, you can Google it. Then there was the 3 years worth of copy regarding the break-up with former BFF, Derek Jeter, Yankee captain & serial starlet dater. Now that was just silly. Hopefully.

If, Alex Rodriguez is done with the NYY, I’m okay. When they traded for him, I was positive. Especially since they got him after the Bostons showed they not only had feet of clay but hands of stone and mealy mouths. There is some conjecture the aforementioned de-cursed team from Mass., might consider signing Mr. Rodriguez. Wow! what a lineup of jerks whose name end with the letter z, that would be. That’s a lot of zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

* for non-baseball readers, this refers to the World Series aka the Fall Classic

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A Hole. . ..

October 24, 2007 Leave a comment

National Public Radio is not something I turn to much. I listen to a comedy news-quiz show Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me, and that is it. Also the local affiliate chose not to hire me, more than once, so, who needs them.

However, I just bought a new radio, so while tuning in the 3 stations available in this hick burg, I heard an NPR news piece. A deputy mayor in a Texas town is attempting to eliminate the fashion blithely named saggin‘. If you don’t know what it is, believe me, unless you’re sightless, you’ve probably ( & unfortunately ), seen it. It’s a ludicrous affect, of wearing pants, by predominately young males, really, really, stupidly low. If you’re old enough to remember Dan Ackroyd’s SNL plumber’s crack bit, you got it.

Almost 40 years ago a trend started among teen African-American males. They took the look of what was obviously the result of hand me down clothes from big brothers being too large, and made it a fashion. This evolved into leaving a belt unbuckled & open, dangling phallically. Suggesting naturally, homey was open for business. Then the underwear above the rim look followed. Now, underwear is for L7’s & the real playa, is showing butt. Next stop: Junkville.

This saggin’ statement began in prison. Use your imagination. It is about as much a style as wearing your hat sideways. It’s rebellion, the last resort of the surly & the unimaginative. It is most certainly not a right stipulated in the US Constitution. Yet, somehow, and pardon the pun, it is covered. I must be stoopit, because I thought there were laws against public lewd behavior and indecent exposure.

I suppose we should give them civic awards for mainstreaming homoerotic displays and aiding in desensitizing us for what surely awaits. When a bogus fashion trumps decency and a real sense of self, the world is a sadder place.They might be showing us they don’t care what we think. I think they are showing us what they are. Literally.

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For those keeping score: the vampire movie was number 1 last weekend, dropping that dreck to second place. Halle’s flick? did not do well.

Imus Be Crazy: Part T

October 17, 2007 Leave a comment

Imus will reportedly return to radio Dec. 3, on WABC-AM NYC. OK. Good. Can’t wait to hear what happens. He & Capitol Hillary will be going at it as soon as that studio light goes on air.

Now: the number one movie at the box office is: WHY DID I GET MARRIED. The number one question is WHY IS IT NUMBER 1? I demand everyone who paid to see it be fired. It’s based on a stage-play by Tyler Perry and features a virtually all black cast. The first fact is always troublesome. The latter is a head scratcher. . .. If a non-African American made that hiring ‘ choice, ‘ they’d be Imus-cized by Sharpton & Jesse. I think that is racism. I also think 99% of stage-plays don’t translate to big screen well. Too er, um stagey.

I’m not foolish enough to suggest producers can’t chose who they work with on a project. I support it as the best possible way to do anything. For example; Ms. Clinton won’t be employing Don Imus to do her PR in 2008. It’s a comfort level thing ya’ll. She should work something out with Mr. Obama though.

The separate but equal syndrome of American Society is pure bullshit. I was once competing for a radio job against 60 people. It was finally down to three candidates. The woman had emergency surgery, the other guy was too fruity, so I got the gig. If any African-American had jogged by that day, they’d have been hired. Mainly because the Nazi loving, Midwest moron who was General Manager hated me. I won’t say why. Though, my possession of an independent mind, didn’t help.

All us Rainbow chillunz can have our ars gratia artis in the USA. Especially if it comes up $$$. There is an overnight sports talk host on the same station Imus once worked BNH ( Before Nappy-headed Hos ). He’s black & for his bumper music he almost always uses music by blacks. It’s the stuff he likes to hear. It’s great material too. Yet, imagine if Imus had only played ‘ white ‘ musicians—which he absolutely did not. Or anybody.

A really good actor, Terrence Howard, who broke through with the movie Hustle & Flow, which was just as much about making it in the music business as pimping hos. When the song It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp, won the Oscar, he was asked if he planned to make a rap record. Howard smiled and essentially said he was an actor and his personal taste was more James Taylor. Not only is he a good actor, he’s brave! For the record: I liked both the song AND the movie. Nothing is ever true to life, if you’re the one living it. But that flick gave the uninitiated a taste. BTW I was never in the life, but I ain’t uninitiated.

Imus be back, soon. Bad Black flick number one. That’s living in America, if I may quote the late James Brown, King of Soul & well known nutcase. This coming week Why Did I Get Married will compete for the top spot with a new Halle Berry melodrama & a vampires in Alaska movie: 30 Days of Night. Hey, WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT!!!

Go Halle—Go Halle……

* Happy Birthday Sharon, wherever you are

‘ Uneasy lies the head who wears a clown ‘

October 12, 2007 2 comments

I just watched a movie: 1408. I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I’m not only $ challenged due to my flex work ethic, but I’m also cheap. This might explain why I got the flick free from the library. When I reserved it, I was thinking John Cusack movie and totally forgot 1408 was based on a Stephen King story.

My guess is King, whose work is best characterized using a word that fits his genre, that word being hack, titled this based on the amount of books he writes every year. I think, he should’ve stopped at 1407 or better yet, 7. King barfs out the same cliches & smears them all over whatever surface is handy, and usually chucks in a clown. Luckily for him, those English speakers who actually still read, like paying for that warm and fuggy feeling his one note talent provides.

I think Stephen King is simply awful. BTW Stevie, what amazing source of strength kept a clown out of this one? I bet that would be a great story. Again, I’m willing to admit I’m envious. But would I really want to be an author who makes a lot of money writing the same crap over and over, literally, a literary ad nauseum?

Oh fickle Fate! I have not been tested in such a way, as I have with the so called misbegotten friendships I allude to often. In fact, of my 3 good remaining friends, two read this blog with some frequency. Their links appear to the right>>> I tend to not refer to them too specifically, mainly because I like them. I like John Cusack too. After a bit of a break in his work, Cusack has a few big movies coming out soon. I wish him the best, because there is also some overdue Oscar buzz for him: break a leg dude.

As for King ( probably a Red Sawx fan too ), please stop writing. Maybe clown school?

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I just saw the weekly Top 10 rated TV Shows based on viewers. Ha ha ha ha ha ha [ hear DeNiro in Cape Fear ] — Crime & medical shows. Medical crime shows. Football. AND Dancing with the Stars? TWICE! Americans are truly dumbasses. Holey Moley! The TV Top 10 for the Internet Movie Database members is much different, indicating a much more eclectic & discriminating taste. Me? oh sure I am a member.

I also have a TV show idea. A coroner, into ballroom dancing, who moonlights as a party clown. His clown name? Sammy Sew Sew. The show? Cut Up Cop! WOW! it’s all ready number 9!!!!! It’s his sidekick though, will get the numbers. A black ex-NFL player who is a pre-op transexual dance instructor & martial arts expert. Genius, huh? Hack that, Stephen King. . ..

PS  Big Yapi shut your trappy—no NYY fan needs to hear your broken English opinion 

Money for NOTHING or I’m the Jinx of Url

October 9, 2007 Leave a comment

Calling all the baseball experts—pro or otherwise—pretty please, explain again how payroll means a damn thing. Teams win or lose on the field when & if players perform. Money is bullshit without 1 more run than the other guy when the game ends. I demand the New York Yankees open their books; seems the last 5 plus years somebody is not making those critical buy the World Series payments!

The season is too long. Major League Baseball needs to adopt a tier system. European football uses it, depending on the previous season W/L record, teams are promoted/demoted. The ‘ lower ‘ league/tier teams would also have their own playoff series and the ultimate winner rises to the higher level the next year. This eliminates that red herring payroll excuse.

Actually, I had rooting interests in 2 other teams, also now out of the picture. Hmmmm yeah I might be the Jinx of Url! I won’t name names, no sense in publicly prolonging anyone else’s annual agony. However, I will take credit if the Hypocred Sox* win another game. Because I will assume the historical Bostonian position and root for any team that ain’t them.

Now to the winning Cleveland MLB baseball club: it is 2007. Change your fucking shameful name & lose the damn cartoon face of your haybilly franchise. No wonder the USA is dissed around the world. WE are imperialistic idiots and way proud of it too. Fitting, how this happened on Columbus Day! If you can’t connect those dots, forget about it. BTW Cleveland Red Herrings sounds good to me. . ..

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Sigh…..after the Sixties I became a Zen Catholic. I hated no one with compassion for all. Then, a few so called friends betrayed me and I was sorely tested. Having been an under the radar draft dodger, I can’t say I soldiered on. I did my best mainly because my loathing for involuntary communal male cohabitation, i.e. the penal system, superseded my need for vengeance. Though revenge being a dish best served cold, I could still be in the playoffs. Probably not.

Now it seems I’ve reverted to my youth. The cumulative effect of failure in career & romance has worn me out. The events of 2004 exploded what was left of my resilience, because I began to hate name callers & boneheads ( read: all things Boston ). This was as the result of my personal 3 Strike Rule. Red Sox ownership alluding to the NYY as the Evil Empire, quickly adopted by their fan-base was strike one. Next the sucker punch of Alex Rodriguez by the trog Varitek, in full catcher body armor was next. Strike three was the death of a young woman during the Boston celebration for winning a playoff series! it wasn’t even the World Series for God’s sake. That and the repeated practice of Boston pitchers throwing at and often hitting Derek Jeter, finally tore it.

This was all before the Great Depression of October ’04. That was the coup d’ etat de tutti capo. I no longer respected the suffering of the Boston fans. I’ll leave it there. As I’ve all ready sunk to their level, no need to give them another chance to rise above NY, albeit a former New Yorker.

So. . . what happens next? I ain’t watching anymore baseball this year. I can’t wait for 08 though. I’m sure the Yankees will fire their old accountant and get a big time free agent CPA, maybe 2! who will double up on those WS payments tout de suite.

*©2006 JukeofUrl Productions