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Archive for August, 2007

Johnny Cum Laudely

August 30, 2007 Leave a comment

The kings & queens of hindsight are speaking. The media is all lathered up. Suddenly all the information is available about the twisted soul who murdered 32 people at Virginia Tech. Seems as if he wasn’t suited for campus life, especially at such a large university. Seems as if he had socialization & communication problems. Oh, and those who vetted his admission, ‘ misinterpreted ‘ rules about an individual’s medical privacy.

In much the way the events of September 11, opened the door for more stringent laws regarding homeland security, I can see trouble ahead in dorm life. All twitchy Gen X-boxers, better keep their Wiis-wiis in their pants, or face the consequences of not making it past level 1. Here we go again, classic WASP misdirection. David Copperfield got nothin’ on them dudes.

I’m not a fan of VA Tech. I think they also dropped the ball, literally and figuratively with the Vick brothers. Coach Bubba & alums can dissemble & get as huffy as they like, but they dragged these individuals out of their rough surroundings because of their athletic skills. Now both are nothing short of criminals; talk about being asocial! What thought was given to that while recruiting them? they didn’t really fit anywhere but a football field, and Marcus not so much. Sure, Michael Vick got his NFL payday and we’ve seen the results. Add his recent woes to his lousy pass completion stats & Falcon brass are not all that weepy. . ..

The state of Virginia btw, gets no pass from me, in the case of the VA Tech tragedy. They sold a dangerous person a gun. Oh wait, make that 2, though they did make him wait another 30 days. This bullshit about warning the campus is also a huge ‘ what if. ‘ Yes, I think it would’ve been prudent. No doubt many of the deceased would not be. However, the perpetrator of such venomous intent, might well have escalated into unimagined realms. The chances to change the outcome, was long before that day. Long before.

The cliche ‘ only human ‘ applies here exponentially. All involved were, and are, only human. I admire the spirit of the Tech student body & wish them all the best forever. But the state & their institute of high learning, needs to address many things, rather than say, sucking revenue from unfastened seat belts & rabid football fans. I don’t advocate jailing any kid who carries around a copy of The Anarchist’s Handbook. But if anyone sees him around campus with floor plans, pointing at buildings, while making cartoonish ‘splodey sounds & laughing like DeNiro in Cape Fear, show some %$*#! sense. Focus his mad subterranean gaming skills & send him spelunking with some new high-tech weaponry in the ‘stans. . ..

The Ebonic Woman

August 22, 2007 Leave a comment

In the upcoming August 27th issue of the TV Guide, a columnist asks a good question. The words used to ask the question are vomit inducing. The topic is the new Bionic Woman. The question is, why not a black woman in the role. The barf factor is the word (?) sistergirlfriend. What? is this the German version of TV Guide! AND shouldn’t that be spelled ‘ sistah…?’

I agree. I think the Bionic Woman should be an Afri-asian-hispanic Lesbian dwarf with a speech impediment. But give me a break with the perverting of language to make the point. Sports talk guys are handling that job quite nicely, we don’t need other media types piling on that heap of ignorance.

This ought to create a stir among the superficial & self deceptive, but people are mostly attracted to people who look like them. Next comes bank account or ability to bring home the bacon & keep the troglodyte the next cave down from dropping in and taking it away. Along with the Mrs.

Due to my oft mentioned laziness, I am not doing any research, so I’ll just say, last time I looked, Caucasians are still the majority in the USA. Television people have noticed this, as have their advertisers, and they are guided by it. While we’d all love to see Whoopi Goldberg play Marilyn Monroe in a new bio-pic: If Marilyn had Lived. . .. OK bad example. That might be huge.[ ©2007 Jukeofurl ] Imagine the conspiracy theories on that one!

I’m attracted to Rashida Jones & she doesn’t look a bit like me. But she can bring home the Chateaubriand anytime. I know that’s hedging because her mom is Peggy Lipton. The thought of her dad Quincy Jones reviving my music career, doesn’t enter into it. Rashida is good looking. If her dad wants to help me, bonus round. Apologies to Condoleeza Rice, I like overbites but I’m not into Republicans.

Maybe I’m no judge of talent: I thought Hallie Berry was fine in Catwoman. The screenplay was crap. But she still looked like Hallie Berry. Where is the problem? Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Once one gets to broader racial features which haven’t been blended through miscegenation, though, I’m not so physically attracted. It’s biological and believe me, the feeling is mutual. No sistergirlfriend wants to be my mrs.girlfriend. It’s called survival instinct. You could look it up. No conforming to stereotype please.

I might not be doing this blog for awhile. I’ll be working on a screenplay. I guarantee you though, if I have anything to say about the casting, Paula Patton is my Marilyn Monroe. She’s better looking than the original too, JFK would’ve loved her. . ..

Open letter to the State of Virginia re: Michael Vick

August 15, 2007 2 comments

I am no fan of Michael Vick or the mechanism which fosters the careers of those like him. As for the crime he is alleged ( as of this moment ) to be guilty of—I don’t even like dog racing. Cruelty to animals or any living thing, is an abomination.

Sending a person to prison is no doubt merited, depending on the nature of the crime & an individual’s prior record of malfeasance. However, I see no profit in punishing Michael Vick this way. I am not here to indict Virginia Tech, they are one of hundreds of big time college sports programs which recruit young people, who barely know what a college is, because they have incredible athletic skill. Yet, I am sorry to say, VA Tech has dropped the ball here & failed more than one Vick, literally in providing them with a philosophy of life beyond a big pay day.

But what will be gained by imprisoning Mr. Vick? If he is found guilty, either by his own admission or a trial, why not take advantage of this situation. Be creative with the punishment. Why not use every resource possible, and at his own expense, to rehabilitate Michael Vick, in a controlled yet enlightened environment. Educate him as to why what he participated in was wrong, and not just teach him to be sorry for getting caught at it. Use his money to educate others & to give aid & comfort to rescued animals.

So, to the judge & prosecuting attorney, please consider making your case & ruling a landmark. It can only lead to better things for man & animal, the state of Virgina and the quality of life. Sometimes the letter of the law needs a visionary hand to expand it’s message to humanity.

Phil Rizzuto

August 14, 2007 1 comment

A wonderful man has died. He played shortstop & then announced games for the same team, the New York Yankees, when his career ended. Some begrudged his second chance election to the Baseball Hall of Fame. It took the lobbying & clout of former Boston great Ted Williams, to get Phil in. Mr. Williams once said if Phil Rizzuto played his whole career for the Red Sox, they’d have won 5 World Series.

A lifelong friend of mine had a chance to interview Phil once. Afterward he told me: ‘ Phil is just like our dads,’ all of us, Italo-American kids from New York City. Well, we were all from the Bronx, where the Yankees play; Phil was from Brooklyn. Somehow that made him even more special, because the Dodgers ( in Brooklyn back then ) turned him down none too nicely & we got him! Good thing they weren’t pals with Ted Williams, those huckleberrys!

In one of those career oddities, he became part of rock music history, when he did a play by play bridge in the 1977 Meat Loaf song Paradise by the Dashboard Light. He got his nickname Scooter when Ty Cobb—said that sonuvabitch covers ground like he’s on a scooter.* Not all that long ago Yankee detractors dismissed Phil’s announcing style, labeling him a homer, or a biased rooter for the home team. But holy cow! the Scooter was no homer, he was and always will be a New York Yankee.

And now he’s crossed that bridge to Jersey for the last time.

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* OK I made part of that up……

Rat-a-fooey

August 4, 2007 Leave a comment

Just like to take a break in my 11 year long vacation to say conratulations ( sic ) to the Boston Major League Baseball Club and their predominantly myopic & taste challenged fan base, Rat Sox nation. They are not only maintaining their current status as reigning hypocrites of the sports world, they have added to it, by trading for what is apparently a relief manatee. The color green suits you all so well, you might consider changing the team name, and replace the one you stole from Cincinnati a century ago. First a name, then a philosophy. What next? I’m guessing red chowdah pizza. . ..

BTW the Yankees currently have more homegrown players both on the field & roster, than you have for the last 3 seasons, since your tainted WS. As always, may you live in interesting times & remember, real baseball games, unlike your hypocritical player deals, do not take place on paper. Let me know when you can count to 26, much less get there.

In summation, why don’t you all censored my censored big fat censored censored ass! Now, where is my censored sunscreen?
NOTE: sports feature the day after I posted my blog / byline: Murray Chass in the Sunday NY Times

Headline: Trading Places: Red Sox Have Become the Yankees

<http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/05/sports/baseball/05chass.html&gt;