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A Very Special Episode of Vox Absurditas: Please Give Now!

There is a huge world of deprivation out there. Long ago I noticed a sad & disturbing segment of the human population. I write this today in hopes that we may be able to reverse a severe problem by applying the great American propensity for charity to it. It is with that in mind I ask you to donate to a worthy cause. A cause often overlooked because the individuals in need are so bereft, so ashamed, they only have one name to seek your hard earned dollars, oops — I mean, help. That’s right ladies & gents, I want money so that we can provide these pretentious assholes with a last name.

Sure, there have always been one name recording artists. Divas like Cher. Genius such as Mozart. Stooges named Moe. But since the start of the 21st Century, the increasing trend of one name spotlite ho-s ( oh yes, I did do say it ) is epidemic. I won’t name them by, er, name. This is because 1)I am not here to pimp them 2) I am too lazy & 3) I will just get all angry again. I admit when I was young I liked a one name artist. I won’t name names there either, though for the brilliant here’s a contemporary clue–they’re suddenly using his songs for commercials after all this time. Good agenting somebody!

But back when, I was a kid & rock was young, I’m older than that now. I want to say snotty things: one name is certainly easier for a fanbase with the cumulative IQ of their median age, to remember. I know that’s unkind to put it all on that, it also facilitates mistaken purchases among those who can’t quite hit that modest number of smarts—cha ching ya’ll.

Maybe much of this is mental on my part. When I was pursuing my own music career, I changed my name. I had an ethnic first and last name & the kind of songs I wanted to write didn’t fit my real name. That’s a whole other story. But one part of my disgruntlement was all the well intentioned ( ? ) people around me suggesting I just use my real first name. Since this is my blog, I can actually repeat verbatim what my response was to their idea. I won’t because I’m a fucking considerate guy and won’t use that kind of language here.

It might also be hypocritical considering I use no name here. My WordPress ID is an old screen handle born of necessity & not wanting to be JoeCool31862. AND because I prefer anonymity due to censure & death threats in previous incarnations. I’d like to skip past that in my twilight years. I’d almost believe the current crop of mononommes were so humble they didn’t need to use their real names, or be inventive enough to come up with a matched set. ( see Elton John or Elvis Costello- or El Kabong—hmmm what the el is that all about? ) But I don’t buy it for a second.

You shouldn’t buy it either ( literally ). They are dancing hard & fast into the spotlight, not in the shadows badmouthing shallow one trick ponies. Well, at least not for money. They are not shy, just shallow. BTW speaking of death threats, I am emphatically NOT including Rap & Hip Hop artists in this rant. Most of their names fit well, sound sharp & convey an attitude. OK not all do it–but they suit the genre. You feel me?

Come on. If your birth certificate says you’re Hugh Shitt, by all means change it to something easier to deal with in life. Like Bill Shitt. But don’t become a singer and gloss yourself HUGH. It just looks like Shitt to me. . ..

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