How Can You Keep Them Down on the Farm. . ..*

Paris Hilton, is doing time, in a house of correction. Just like another high profile blonde before her, Martha Stewart, Miss Hilton is being used as an example. Proving that wealthy white women go to jail too, especially when it gets ink for the ‘ good ‘ guys. That’s such a lovely show of equality. It should serve as a cautionary tale for all of us scoff laws. Even her mom thinks this will be good for her character. It’s precisely that kind of surface logic that keeps the US doing the same stupid shit all over the world.

I’ve never been arrested, so I haven’t been incarcerated. I knew some people who have been, and maybe it made them better people. But, better compared to what? what they used to be? Possibly. Whose standards are we employing? Considering Paris’ mother is er, um her parent— that’s a moot point. I gotta think some of Paris’ behavioral problems come from her mama. Paris’ faults aside, I don’t think it’s funny putting her in an environment so drastically removed from what hers is like for that level of law breaking. She may indeed be scared straight, but it’s something that might have been punished with community service time.

So, Paris is jailed for having an inflated sense of self worth and not much awareness of the California Driver’s Manual & how the laws may or may not apply to her personally. Judging by just the photos of her getting in & out of cars, she doesn’t worry about it or her underwear. Maybe that’s what her mother meant! If she makes it out ambulatory after paying her debt to society, maybe she’ll dress more appropriately.

I think this is the perfect spot to make the following comment. If the lame-ohs in the media ( like Dan Patrick & the rest of ESPN ) are going to keep having sport at Lindsay Lohan’s expense, how about learning how to pronounce her name. It’s LOW-en. NOT Low-HAN. All you ever need to know about deposed Disney honcho & huge fathead, Michael Eisner, is he once introduced a movie on TV Lindsay did for Disney, saying how wonderful Lindsay Low-HAN is. Arrogant dumb ass. If only Walt could’ve thawed out and kicked him off the lot right then, on camera.

Miss Lohan does not suffer from the same background of privilege as Miss Hilton. She do like to party a la Paris & has also interpreted the California Driver’s Manual the same way as her former pal did. OR are they back together? Well, not for awhile, as Paris is indisposed. Hopefully, not riding a broom in the jail laundry room. Though it might be the natural sequel to her first starring role, which coincidentally involved no underwear. Though she was emphatically, not driving.

Maybe this kind of infraction demands jail time. I’d have gone for community service myself, but I got a C in Intro to Business Law. One of my neighbors was a judge, but he retired and moved and I’m not using up a favor calling him about this. I’m not blonde, but if one more schmuck here slows down for a green light, then speeds up on the amber & leaves me sitting at the red, I might need him. . ..

* after they’ve seen Paris

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