Kind of a Drag. . ..

I just heard a sports talk host on a NY station say the Boston fans are creative. This guy is a nominal Yankee fan, and he’s a p/t overnight guy, but this statement is too much. Is the phrase ‘ Yankees Suck,’ an example of this high wit? Oscar Wilde is green with awe in the afterlife. Dorothy Parker has called an apres-thanatos roundtable at the Algonquin to cede to Red Sawx fans the mantle of the pithy epigram.

Bullshit. This weekend, to some ‘ creative ‘ yelping of ‘ Where’s Roger?’ by what looked like drag queens with no fashion sense, the NYY stifled their death rattle, winning 2 out of 3 in Feng Shui Park. Wins, spurred on no doubt by Dorothy’s de-throning & the recent end of the Gilmore Girls. Meanwhile the locals ignored the fact that much like the unloading of Babe Ruth, Roger Clemens was rejected in his attempt to stay with the Red Sox by the Boston suits back in 1996. Blaming the NYY ( again ) is easier, but it ain’t creative.

Creative? Boston leads the league in nicknames for team members with ‘ pap ‘ in them. Can anyone say Oedipal Complex? That began a few years ago when Pedro Martinez revealed one of his parents wore midnight blue pinstripes. Yeah, well, I’m creative too. Sawx sounds more like sucks to me & with the apparent conflicts they have there, with homoerotic subtext & mammarian fixations, the Boston supporters may yet enjoy victories through their team, but they are inverting in their collective ids. The worm is squirming in the libido where they pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd.

When I think of Boston fans, the image of Charles Manson at age 2 dominates. Frenetic, lacking in grace & drooling while throwing tantrums that Lou Piniella would envy. Oh sure, there are some smart Boston fans. Ones I not only like, but understand. Denis Leary & Doris Kearns Goodwin are savvy & reasoned fans. In 2004 even overcome with misery, I was glad for that kind of Rat Sox fan, when they won, fluke and all. That state of bonhomie exists no more.

Sure, there are dummies who root for the Yankees. This is only human and though I wish it were otherwise, it’s fact. However in New York there is another team & the majority of its fans also hate the NYY. Yankee fans catch it home and away. As a refugee from the NY Metro area, I am a Bronx born Yankee fan. But for my own reasons, some less obvious than others, I like when the Mets win. I’ve covered the schadenfreude aspect of rooting against a team here a few times, but there is also the kind of sports fan who, when referring to the team they follow, sound as if they just walked off the field & showered off some game sweat with the boys jabbering: ‘ we really kicked their asses tonight! ‘ That kind. The Boston kind. While vicarious victories are great, they are fleeting. Also, I am not actually a Yankee player, so I reap no actual benefits when they win. I draw no paycheck either. There ain’t no we in Yankees.

Oh, by the way Beantown, Dolly Parton called, you chowdah heads need to pony up for all those wigs. AND for Pete’s sake, tweeze them eyebrows theah, you looked wicked retahded.

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