You Get the Picture

This one time, at life camp, a rejection letter from a music publisher told me: ‘ you’re not exactly breaking new ground here.’ I wasn’t so out of touch I didn’t know what that clown meant. Still, where is this terra incognita? it sure as hell, remains incognita to me. Which brings me to advertising. Visual ads are my favorite: the focus on TV, though it applies to any medium using pictures. Especially food & fashion needs we might have at any given moment.

Does it make you want to eat their something, somewhere, when you see other people laughing it up, cramming huge hunks of stuff into their faces? They’re getting paid. We, literally on the other hand, will be paying. Do these jerks think we’re monkeys? Wave a really yellow banana, painted banana yellow btw, at us and we just gotta ooh ooh ah ah? Look Zippy! there’s a picture of an actual Bionic Burger! Come and get it & don’t forget your wallet.

It is also a fake, specially created burger, taking up an entire screen and/or page, a burger, the preparation of which, likely cost the advertiser what it would cost to feed a small town for a week. Because that burger looks like no other you ever salivated over? Does anybody over the age of weaning infant not know what a hamburger looks like? Caveat emptor: if you come across that same burger lying around after the photo shoot though, don’t eat it, you won’t like it. It’s sprayed with chemicals to make it look, well, um, special. Then we come to all those beer commercials! Ever notice how the ratio of men to women is typically 4 to 1? or none! A reason to drink more beers? OK – – – admittedly that is realistic. But who the %#@! needs to be reminded?

Now I think of it, speaking of M to F ratios real or contrived, fashion print ads are the most egregious offenders. Glossy ‘ men’s ‘ mags such as Esquire & GQ, always have pics of languid male types posed ( natch ) looking smug and disdainful. Occasionally a woman, mostly dressed in as little as possible ( no objection here ), is thrown in to sati ‘fy us heteros, we ain’t looking at soft core gay material. Which, it is.

Yes, there has been a trend in the last few years of blatant homoeroticism in print ads from the big fashion houses. So much so it got noticed by decency types! amazing, huh? They are, as ever, a font of perspicacity. It is pretty obvious when you have dudes in their underwear ( or out of it ) draped around each other. Or worse.

My personal objection is the styles are just recycled and too often, just awful. White belts & huge shirt collars looked bad in 1967 and every year after. AND wtf is up with the big black shoes? I don’t trust guys who wear those, even Bono. It can be said the current mode of models, both genders, are more disdainful. Because they are getting paid and they know they wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that crap, unless they weren’t paid to do it.

The biggest fashion innovation of the last 25 years, is that men wear their shirttails out—even under their lame ( albeit too expensive ) designer sports jackets! Wow! fat guys have finally made an impact the pretty boys & weekend casualistas can live with on the Vineyard. If you are a dedicated follower of fashion and/or just like looking at male models, chanson á son goût. BUT should you find them lying around after the photo shoot, don’t eat them. . ..

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